dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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