Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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