but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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