Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He did a backflip because drugs
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