May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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