I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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