I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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