saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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