yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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