I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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