I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize