you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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