he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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