i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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