I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize