I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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