Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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