3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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