Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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