So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize