Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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