they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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