she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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