i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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