I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize