Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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