she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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