It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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