I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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