highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
high people should be assigned attendants
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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