i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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