Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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