So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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