I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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