Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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