Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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