drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize