You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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