My liver just broke up with me...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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