I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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