Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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