How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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