also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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