I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
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Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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