He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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