We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize