Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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