What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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