I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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