True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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